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10 мес. 1 нед. назад #322 от VivianPag
The dilemma of contradictory messages

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п»їHave you ever thought about the difference that can exist between what you do and what you say with words? Why a person seems to be affirming something, but in reality we don't feel that way? There are contradictory messages that confuse us, today we will talk about it, from a psychological perspective.
Let's think, what is a contradictory message? Here are some keys to understand this type of communication, including examples. In addition, we will look at some current research, focusing on the figure of the social scientist Gregory Bateson. Join us!
"Messages cease to be messages, when no one can read them."
-Gregory Bateson
What are contradictory messages about? When we talk about contradictory messages we refer to those that transmit dissonant information and come from the same source. In other words, we are talking about those moments when we use or others use antagonistic messages. Then, they can result in a paradoxical issue. This has been reviewed by several authors and currents:
Psychoanalysts. They work by emphasizing the logic of the contradictory, since they see the statements that operate in an antagonistic or ambivalent way, some unconscious and others not.
The Palo Alto school. According to Watzlawick, the concept of double bind was first elaborated in this school, as a pattern of communication that causes specific behavior in schizophrenia.
Anzieu. He proposed that paradoxes can increase the self-destructive impulse of the addressee, in addition to favoring distrust and subverting the subject's sense of truth and being, according to Dr. Miguel Cherro Aguerre (p. 195).
Gregory Bateson, anthropologist and linguist from the United Kingdom, spoke of contradictory messages, focusing on the systemic model. He mentioned the double bind theory, emphasizing the association between members of a system, and developed it to explain the psychological causes of schizophrenia. An affectation that he associated with communication patterns.
Double bonds are dilemmas in communication that originate from the antagonism between the content of different messages with the same source. Thus, they produce bewilderment in those who receive them.
Nowadays, however, this theory has been revised and expanded, going beyond the limits of schizophrenia. It has been applied in other contexts and it is suggested, for example, that double binds are used by some as a means of control or manipulation.
Characteristics of contradictory messagesIn contradictory messages, the sender may refer to a punishment that will occur if the receiver does not perform a certain behavior. Also, he gives abstract commands that contradict that command. Let's see more characteristics of this type of messages:
Interaction. It can occur through verbal or other types of communication.
Recurrent pattern. This is not a one-off pattern, but a repetitive one.
One or more messages. Although there are usually two messages that somehow clash, the truth is that there may be more.
Power. On most occasions, it happens between a person who represents authority and another who does not.
Confusion. The person receiving the conflicting messages may become confused, even blocked.
Communication patterns - both the ones we practice and the ones others practice with us - influence our health. There are researchers who even claim that they may be at the origin of some pathologies. By this we do not mean that they are the cause, but that they are one of the factors that propitiate or precipitate them (triggers or triggers).
Currently, there is a variety of research in this area. For example, RodrГ­guez-Zoya, L.G & RodrГ­guez Zoya, P.G., in their article published in the Revista Palabra clave, show how the processes of communication and social interaction can distort or hinder social representations and social communication in the light of the double bind theory.
Also, there are other types of explorations. For example, those focused on intervention proposals in situations of double bind in teacher-student interactions. This idea is presented by GarcГ­a-Castro, Saneleuterio and GarcГ­a Ramos in the Journal PsicologГ­a y EducaciГіn: Presente y Futuro, of Alicante.
Consequences of contradictory messagesContradictory messages can be given to others and to ourselves. They are usually quite toxic; let us remember that it is not a question of a specific situation, but of messages that occur recurrently. As they are repetitive, and implicit contents that confuse and block us, they can generate:
Insecurity. Confusion causes people to never know what to do, since they are torn between two messages.
Guilt. For feeling that they have not done the right thing.
Anxiety. Not knowing what to do and anticipating the future.
Toxic relationships. After acting passively in the face of the power situation, and not realizing that a double bind is being nurtured.
People who generate this type of messages also suffer, because often their desires will not be satisfied or their needs met. On the other hand, for a double bind to occur, the relationship must be meaningful, because the disappointment when expectations are not met can be more profound.
An example of this type of message can be seen when a mother communicates to her child that she loves him, while at the same time showing rejection with her mimicry. Another, when one of the partners conveys to the other "you are free, don't worry if I cry" or when we say that we trust the other, while maintaining at all times an attitude of vigilance.
In short, in these situations the very demand that is manifested in the message makes it impossible to comply with it. Then, contradictory messages will cause discomfort on both sides; on the one hand, for the sender, because it will be very difficult to receive the answer he/she wants, and also for the receiver, because in many occasions he/she will not know what to do.
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10 мес. 1 нед. назад #323 от VivianPag
Education is everyone's job! Let's teach people to think!

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п»їEducation is everyone's task! To educate is to socialize, to incorporate into culture, to orient. To educate for society and for culture is, at the same time, to orient for life and to incorporate functional learning that is in connection with the environment.
Each individual comes into this world in a given society and internalizes, "apprehends" the culture of that place. The human being, from his earliest childhood, builds his own identity from the experiences and evaluations he receives from his social environment: parents, teachers, peers....
The self-concept has as its content the representations, evaluations and attitudes that each person has about him/herself. The experiences in the family environment contribute to the formation of this identity. This is due to the characteristics of the child when he/she is born and the type of relationships he/she establishes with parents. Later on, the school will provide the individual with a new scenario with a broader and more complex social organization and new experiences with adults and peers.
The importance of educationTeaching to live together and create social skills is one of the essential functions of the school, which contributes to the socialization of students. To educate is to socialize. One way to teach how to live together is to teach social skills. Social skills or abilities are ways of knowing how to know what to do in relation to others. Sociability is not something innate.
It is something that is learned and that learning comes to be considered as skills, abilities or social capacities that education must contribute to develop. Through this socialization process, the person acquires the patterns of behavior, norms and beliefs that are dominant in society and that are valued and accepted by society as such. It is a process related to the development of other capacities: intelligence, affectivity, personal identity. The affective, social and cognitive aspects of behavior are inseparable.
Knowing how to function in a social environment is very important for the psychic development of the person. Social skills have to do with the relationships between the child and adults: parents and relatives, teachers, adults in general, who will constitute for the child a source of educational, linguistic, cultural and social transmission. On the other hand, there are the social relations between the children themselves, in which the aspects of cooperation and equal relationships stand out.
Assessment of social behavior is done by direct observation in the usual situations. Therefore, it will be necessary to guide the student by presenting him with models explaining step by step how he develops his behavior; to simulate situations in which the students have to repeat the model; to provide adequate feedback on their own behavior, offering appropriate suggestions.
This learning of general strategies reaches its culmination in learning to think and even more, in learning to learn: an instruction that can and should be carried out through the different areas. The ability to think is a complex skill that does not coincide with knowledge. Knowledge and thinking are interdependent but distinct.
Skillful thinking would be the ability to apply knowledge effectively. Thinking skill is subject to modification and improvement with training. Effective learning requires that these skills and strategies can be transferred and adapted to new situations or problems not previously experienced. Learning to think will help to improve intellectual performance in abstract subjects, and to raise school performance and competence in social situations.
Teaching to thinkTherefore, we could conclude that sometimes human behaviors depend as much on people wanting to know as on people wanting to think. The prior knowledge with which we approach learning and the context in which it takes place will be other relevant factors.
We must be able to extrapolate learned behaviors to real-life situations, and above all we must be able to make inferences to situations in which we have never found ourselves, knowing how to solve them satisfactorily. In short, any activity aimed at teaching people to think must prepare them to:
Know how to solve problems, through the presentation of problem-situations, applying a model for their solution with several phases: understanding the problem, devising a plan, executing that plan and verifying results.
Learning to be creative, by means of strategies that favor creative thinking: analysis of assumptions, brainstorming...
Apply deductive and inductive reasoning, through the ability to reason according to the principles of inference.
Metacognition, that is, knowledge about one's own knowledge, linked to thought control strategies. Metacognitive or cognitive control abilities make possible the planning and regulation of the effective use of knowledge, strategies and cognitive resources available to the subject. Each person should be encouraged to learn more about his or her own abilities and limitations.
Education and teaching of basic skillsA variety of programs for teaching how to think are study skills programs. However, the study techniques to be encouraged are those that predispose to better and more functional learning, not those that prepare for exams. The following should be highlighted:
1. Techniques or basic instrumental skills
They are adequate to know how to understand and assimilate the information object of study:
Reading comprehension, underlining techniques, making summaries and outlines, concept maps.
Techniques for gathering information on a subject, use of dictionaries, notes...
Techniques to improve retention and recall
2. Motivational factorsTo learn it is necessary to be motivated. Sometimes an extrinsic motivation, unrelated to the task itself, such as rewards or punishments, can be used. However, the ideal is to achieve an intrinsic motivation, that is, a motivation related to the task or activity itself, which is then performed for its own sake, for its own value, and not for consequences that may be contingently linked to its result.
3. Other strategies and circumstances in educationTeaching students to plan their work time and to know what the necessary conditions of the study environment are: place, light, temperature...
In spite of all the above, it will be necessary to take into account individual differences and to observe the characteristics of the disabled thinker in order to locate the deficient cognitive functions and to observe whether he/she is in the input, elaboration or output phase of thinking (information processing).
The individual must be the object of a specific intervention for its correction and improvement. The assumption is always that the functioning of intelligence can be modified and improved, but obviously, it is necessary to identify at what stage the dysfunctions occur in order to correctly apply the educational procedure to remedy them.
The collaboration of parents and teachers, the exchange of information with them and their participation in the education of their children are basic elements in the configuration of a true educational community, within which the younger generations grow and develop. It is within this community that the most personalized processes of education take place.
The tasks of the teaching staff together with the guidance teams are related to the personalization of teaching and, in addition, the work of cooperation with mothers and fathers is one of the essential nuclei of the teaching function and is at the heart of all educational action.
In short, the school is a place for coexistence and a place where people live together. Learning to live together at school will be produced not so much by explicit instruction but rather by the way in which people live together. Communicating, cooperating, showing solidarity, respecting the rules... is something that, in addition to being the object of teaching, must constitute the framework of school life and the socializing function.
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10 мес. 1 нед. назад #324 от VivianPag
VivianPag ответил в теме How to start a revolution
How to start a revolution

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п»ї9 out of 9 people love small details without the need for them to be important dates such as anniversaries, birthdays or various celebrations. What's more, 9 out of 9 people appreciate that the "how are you" is more sincere and not a mere cordial and daily formality than any grand gesture.
The fact is that most of us love the small details because they nourish our strength, our humility, our greatness, our bonds and our affections.
Small details strengthen attachment, basing our relationships on care, attention and daily affection.
It is the small details that make the difference.
It is the small details that make the difference and help us to enjoy the comfort of feeling loved without movie lines or heroes to save us from the clutches of the dragon.
Because true heroism is to leave a mark with small gestures and sow goodness to reap greatness. After all, what is important for us lies in our ability to gather wealth in everyday life.
We wait day after day for the lottery to come along with a miracle that will turn our life around 180Вє and we do not realize that the lottery is in everything we can enjoy day after day.
For example, a kiss, a hug, a conversation with a special person, a favorite dish, the path that builds a dream, an exciting movie, the joy of our dog greeting us, an afternoon of blanket, movie and popcorn, fantasies and ambitions, a good read in good company.
We can enjoy all these "little things" every day and we don't realize it. What matters to us is to go on a diet, to go to the gym every day or to finish the report we were asked to write at work; this is all very well, but what is really important is that the pages of our calendar do not turn without having collected moments and, in them, reasons to smile.
To be a collector of emotional moments is to enjoy the small detailsIf we strive to become collectors of emotional moments we will be able to enjoy the small details, which will help us to strengthen our bonds and feel better on a daily basis.
To achieve this we can keep an emotional diary in which we write down all the details that we have been able to enjoy during the day, as they will represent the connection with our emotions.
In fact, from this we can create a love map that will help us to flood the lives of the people we love the most with small and beautiful details. But what is a love map?
According to psychologist John Gottman, the love map is a list of those special things we should know about the people we love. Knowing it and making it explicit will help us to be more attentive to those daily occasions in which we can show affection to them.
Paying attention and dedicating our time to elaborate a map of love about the person we love leaves an imprint in our brain that will promote the accessibility of the information.
What is important to know in order to elaborate the map of the small details? When making the action plan of the small details we must obtain the answer to questions such as the following in the list that we are going to expose next:
What is your favorite dish?
What are your favorite movies, TV shows or books?
Which two people do you deeply admire and why?
What are your favorite animals?
What is the first thing you would buy if you won the lottery?
What can we do to improve the relationship we have?
Where would you like to travel to?
What moments do you especially enjoy?
What would you want to change about yourself and others?
In what ways do you prefer to spend an evening at home?
What are your desires and ambitions?
With what tasks do you feel most competent?
What would you like to improve in your life?
What kind of literature do you like to read? What are your reading moments?
What magazines interest you?
What is your favorite hobby when you are sick and can't leave the house?
What is your ideal gift?
What are your current worries or what do you feel particularly stressed about?
What are the reasons you are proud of yourself?
With these types of questions we can draw up a great map to help us encourage the small details in our day to day life, something that is undoubtedly necessary to make the people we love feel special, unique and irreplaceable.
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10 мес. 1 нед. назад #325 от VivianPag
Anger and hatred are self defeating emotions.


п»ї<title>The best gift for children is called TIME.</title>

Time, that's the name of the best gift for children. It is not sold in toy stores or on the Internet. It can only be found in us, in our disposition and in being aware that a story should not be read in 2 minutes. Dedicating time to children does not mean leaving them the cell phone, putting the tablet or plugging the TV in their favorite channel. Nor is that education, or love, or affection.
Childhood is one of the most important stages of life in which the fabric of our evolution is woven. Thus, children are immersed in thousands of changes that sometimes we adults do not even perceive and that, therefore, we miss if we are not attentive.
"Haste is negative, not explaining things calmly can lead to misunderstandings. You have to create the climate for the children to ask questions and allow time for everything to be rounded off so that there are no leftovers. Any topic told calmly and with enthusiasm captures the children's interest. But for that you have to live it, believe it. Everything stays inside if you don't have time to bring it out."
-Ana Etchenique
Slow-parenting, slow-parentingEducating and sharing "slow-parenting" moments means respecting their rhythms, giving them space to develop, that they do not skip stages, that they grow and evolve without the stress and demands we have generated around them. This is the best gift.
This educational perspective is based on the slow philosophy, which expresses the need to favor a calmer pace of life, thus promoting maturity, evolution and the creation of bonds from the natural progression of the child, without rushing.
This way we can support the child at every step, not forcing his evolutionary stages and offering psychological oxygen to his education, forgetting the marking and impregnating with delight every little learning, every sign of affection and every collection of motives.
Don't let haste rob you of the magic of childhoodHaste is our worst advisor. They are responsible for robbing us of the most precious moments and the most wonderful details of the magic of childhood. However, if we stop to think about it, perhaps we can remedy this.
Homework, tidying the house, showers, soccer at six, birthdays at eight, dinner at ten... The whole day at a trot... and at a gallop. What do we want to achieve with that? Are our children enjoying it? Are we being aware of what we are missing and what we are making them lose?
Probably not. We must do the exercise of reflecting if we offer TIME to our children, if we play with them enough and if we organize their day to day life reserving moments in which we dedicate ourselves and them exclusively to them and to us in conjunction. Are we giving them the best gift?
Thus, it is important that:
Let's leave aside the rush early in the day, let's wake up our children with affection and offer a breakfast of love with tranquility.
Let's savor each meal with them without distractions such as television or magazines. We can play peek-a-boo, we can talk about everyday things and deepen the expression of feelings and emotions.
It is good to preserve "moments of secrets" in which we will only talk about our things with total sincerity.
We can go on excursions to quiet places, to natural landscapes and environments that invite us to explore and experiment together.
It is good to bathe from time to time instead of showering in a hurry.
It is essential to let them choose, because sometimes we overly mark their day-to-day life and boycott their desires, expectations and decisions.
Turn off cell phones and all those electronic devices that, as we know, absorb our attention.
From time to time we can lie down anywhere in the house and do absolutely nothing.
Look for games that enhance their creativity, their intelligence and their ability to feel.
Let's not let our children's upbringing be marked by the rush or the bad habits that exist today. The best gift is not the command center of fashionable cartoons or the latest Disney dolls. The best gift is to share with them the most precious commodity that exists in life and that never comes back: time.
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10 мес. 6 дн. назад #326 от VivianPag
VivianPag ответил в теме The body language of guilt
The body language of guilt
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п»ї<title>The body language of guilt</title>

The body language of guilt is not easy to detect, and it is not for several reasons. The first is that guilt is not a basic emotion. Only basic emotions are sharply reflected in facial microexpressions and body posture. Guilt, on the other hand, is a more complex formation that involves the participation of reflection and can involve several emotions at once.
On the other hand, a person who is guilty does not always acknowledge his or her guilt. It is possible that, for example, someone who steals feels that he has the right to do so, because, according to him, the other person does not need the object of which he was deprived or which he acquired unjustly. Therefore, he will not feel guilty and obviously will not reflect it in the body language of guilt.
Likewise, in the basic emotions there are movements and postures that are impossible to control voluntarily, at least for a few seconds. On the other hand, in guilt there is a strong component of rationality, so it is also possible to exercise deliberate control over the movements that betray this feeling. In conclusion, the body language of guilt is more difficult to detect, although not impossible. Here are some of the traits that characterize it.
"I say that anyone who trembles at this moment is guilty; for innocence never fears public vigilance."
-Fred Vargas
The essential gesture in the body language of guiltA person who feels guilty, but does not want to take responsibility for what he did wrong, usually goes on to live in a state of alertness. He is aware that he is hiding both the harm he did and the remorse derived from it. Hence, in such cases, he has relatively broad control over his body language.
However, according to anthropologist Desmond Morris, there is an unconscious and involuntary movement that would be part of the body language of guilt. It is the blink. No matter how much the person pretends to have everything under control, when a question is asked or an aspect related to this feeling of guilt is alluded to, an intermittent and rapid blinking will appear.
The increase in the frequency of blinking is considerable and noticeable, but the person who feels guilty does not notice it immediately. This gesture denotes that the person feels vulnerable and has an intense desire to regain control of the situation. It is often accompanied by head movements in different directions.
The gaze and expressionAnother aspect to look at in the body language of guilt is the gaze. It is very common that when a person knows that he has acted against his convictions and values, he finds it difficult to look at his face. Most commonly, they look away, always with their eyes down. The chin does not necessarily tilt downward, but the gaze does.
This, however, is relative. It does not always happen because some people know that this gesture gives them away. Sometimes there is also a strong conviction that what was done was wrong, but necessary or convenient. Therefore, the person does not experience guilt as such, although he/she knows that he/she inflicted harm.
In this second case, it is common for the person to show excessive control over his facial expression. What he wants is precisely not to reveal anything with it, that is why he keeps his muscles tense and tries to gesticulate as little as possible. He does not look away from the other, because he wants to be aware of it. Seeks to maintain control over the situation.
Coverings and difficulty speakingWith the caveat that this does not apply in all cases, another common gesture in the body language of guilt is the tendency to cover the mouth or face. Sometimes, the person puts his hand over his lips or over part of his face. He does not want to give himself away and, without being conscious, tries to cover himself.
In the same way, some noticeable speech difficulties may appear. The guilty person clears his voice too often or stutters a little. The tension and stress of maintaining his role makes his mouth dry and so he drinks frequently. He may also have difficulty constructing coherent sentences.
On the other hand, not everyone experiences guilt in the same way. Some people are tormented by it, while others manage not to be bothered by it. Individual as well as cultural factors play a role. That is why the reading of these gestures should be relativized.
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